Thoughts of a Recovering Soul

Good day everyone. lets get right to it shall we? i look for inspiration everywhere I can. Conversation with others, people watching,  my favorite music. I love getting lost in music. I has always been very easy for myself. Lately i have been struggling with morning routines and staying engaged. My "isims" have been beating the crap outta me. But through my music i have found some inspiration.
   Unfortuanatly I am working outta town right now. Fortuanatly the fellow I am rooming and working with, for the most part, understands me and my words and actions. Over the last while i believe we have built a great friendship. I am very thankful for him and his time spent. We were talking the other night, after work, and i was like "I havent done a blog in such a long time because, I don't know how to write these blogs. What if i have nothing in the kung fu realm to write about?" The response I recieved was  simple but powerful one. "Just be you! Don't worry about others and what they say. this is your journey. All of it! So just be you" Thats wierd that sounds alot like the things that sifu told me. Some days I am scared to just be me.Opening up has always been my achilles tendon or heel or whatever the phrase is. Concerned about others may think, I sometimes have a tendancy to stay inside my head. Therefore becoming lost in my music is so easy. Well I hope you enjoy the rest of the blog.
  I have got to remember I came to I Ho Chaun all because of an idea. An idea that I can be who I want to be, if I can see my potential. I know one day  I am gonna be him. I continue to put on the foil and fight my fears and my ego. "Yeah get back in my head ego, rise again fear. I will keep grabbing at myself screaming. Yeah thats right, fights on punk." Lets get brutally honest for a moment. some days i run and hide from this fight and I think that I am not worth the opprotunities to train in Silent River. But my heart and my spirit tell me "This too shall pass!"
   Hopefully this journey takes ten thousand hours and beyond. I do desire the blood, sweat, and tears. I Ho Chaun is becoming my world and my arena. The nay-sayers can try to tell me different, but i won't believe them. Sometimes I feel like i keep falling, falling back again. And the rain keeps crashing, crashing down on me. And i just fought outta this place. With blind faith, i keep thanking him, for my clean soul. I continue to fight for my life even though sometimes, it feels like my boat keeps sinking and there is no sea left for me.
   The push-ups, the sit-ups and the routines will continue to come. I have the desire and the drive. Its funny I beat myself up about not being able to smash out all sorts of reps, but i cease to remember that I have never done anything with this kind of commitment like this before.
   I completely embrace the teachings of my sifus and sihings. They have my trust and my respect. I Ho Chaun doesnt scare me. My mind scares me. I embrace this journey It excites me every time i think or talk about Kung Fu. I do understand that i have the drive and the courage inside of me. My job is to continue drawing that energy out of me.
   And remember, a life lived for art is not a life wasted.

Thank you for your time. Humbely yours