Good morning everybody. So yesterday was grading day as most of you know, and it was quite and emotional roller coaster in my opinion. But I don't think it was as bad as the entire week before.
The whole week before I was panicking. I stopped practicing on Tuesday and then on Friday I was thinking, 'Why didn't I practice more, what's wrong with me?'. But I feel like if I still practiced I would have thought, 'Why didn't I relax more, what's wrong with me?'. Also I spent everyday memorizing the black belt code of ethics. I had left it to the last minute and it was my own fault, but I still stressed out about it. I was so scared, I would cry thinking about it. I am such a crier! I cry when I am happy, and mad, and sad and I can't control it! It doesn't always help out the situation. So on Friday night I am just relaxing and I start to get upset. I didn't want to go, I wasn't ready. But my mom reassured me, and made me feel better. It is nice to talk to her about it.
Saturday morning came and I barely talked at home. I didn't have anything to say. I pulled myself together for the little leopards class, but then I went back to being quite at home. I felt like I would rather do anything than the black belt test. I just lied in bed. And then it was time to go. On the way there, my mom played this one song from the Matrix, it was the same song we listened to when I was on my way to grade for Sihing. I felt a lot better. I started to walk in the kwoon and gave my mom a thumbs up. Then I went in. I was still terrified so I thought I could meditate a bit and It helped. I wasn't thinking about it at least. Then when Sharida came in I broke down, but she helped me back on my feet. Both of my fellow candidates were very supportive throughout the day, so thanks you two!
We were out on the mats and everybody was setting up. I was still upset. There was a miscommunication between me and my partner, and luckily he got there just in time. I am not sure what went into getting Simon there on time, but thanks to whoever was involved, a lot. Then we all bowed in and started with our five techniques, and I think Simon and I did really well. When we were getting feedback, I started to remember, 'Wait a second, these are the same Sifu's who welcomed me onto the mats when I was three years old! These are the same Sifu's who are always helping me and kind to me in all classes. I made pancakes with Sifu Dennis one pandamonium! I help out in the kids class with half of these people! Why am I so worried?'. Then I started to relax.
At the beginning they said 'Today should be a fun day'. I thought, 'How can this be a fun day? This whole year has lead up to this moment! I am freaking out!'. But as the day went on, it was fun. It was just Kung Fu, the same Kung Fu I have been doing for years. It is a crazy day, but I am glad I did it with the people I did. There was definitely a lot going through my head. Some of the thoughts I had included:
-'Hey this isn't so bad'
-'I hope I am doing this right, I think I am doing this right'
-'Just keep doing what your doing, stick with your gut'
-'I wish I packed more of these'
-'Am I supposed to know what this word means?'
-'Dad should see me now'
-'Oh no I don't remember this!'
-'I can't do this. This is too hard'
-'I am so great! I am a master!'
-'Don't stop Chantal, keep going your so close'
-'I wonder if Mom would buy me ginger ale after'
Yesterday was one of my greatest accomplishments. And it was a very successful day for everybody. Thanks for all of the support. It was really nice to hear everyone say 'good luck' and 'we'll be thinking of you'. The day is now over and I feel a lot less weight on my shoulders. But my training has not stopped. There is still much work ahead. But I can do it. Thank you to all the Sifu's who spent there time with us all day. I did it.
I did it.
Chantal Prince