I have been struggling lately.. or continually, I guess I could say with self image and with being a bit kinder to myself. I find that if someone I know or love is struggling with the same issues like weight loss or physical fitness or injury that I tell them to just be patient, to keep trying and not to lose sight of the goal. When it comes to myself I am so much less tolerant of me, less kind, and much less patient.
Someone told me last week that “It is not a race it is a journey”, and these words have stuck with me all week. When I get frustrated with myself I repeat this like a mantra.
Blue belt class is going good – I was so worried about not being able to keep up, and there are a lot of things that I can’t do yet, or at the same speed – but my class mates have been so kind and motivating and positive. We were doing squat thrusts last night – and I had biffed it on the ice in the parking lot at work yesterday and landed on my back (so a little sore), and I had to do my squat thrusts modified. I was doing them for a lot longer than everyone else and my class mates were turning around and cheering me on and saying “you can do it, keep going”… they were awesome.
I find it hard not to compare myself with other people… oh she is skinnier, or they can perform that move way better, or – oh they are much younger… I found myself resenting myself and not being patient with who I am.. instead wishing I was skinnier or more physically capable or younger – because If I was all of those things I would be better – right? I would be happy – right? Or would I??
When every television show, advertisement, magazine is directed to being a smaller size or a prettier person it can be hard not to make yourself into a victim, to feel sorry for yourself for all of the shortcomings you’ve come to believe about yourself.
Upon reflection the example that I am setting for my daughters of perseverance through injury and illness to continue within my kung fu journey even though I am not the smallest or most athletically sound or most graceful of people I think is much more valuable life lesson than fitting into the “perfect” mold.
I do get to make my own choices and those choices reflect on my physical person. I am also so much more than just the physical person as well. Apart from the external Nicole, internally without my struggles and my scars, my life experiences and learning opportunities I wouldn’t be who I am… and who I am I need to embrace and take the time to have just a little more patience.
It is not a race it is a journey…. All I need is just a little patience.
I suddenly have an urge to start singing G&R…