15 Minutes That Completely Changed My Perspective

Ego is a funny thing.  I have always been very proud of the fact that I have never had an ego...see what I did there?  There is a fine line between pride and ego. Is either one good or bad?  It really depends.

Recently, I have had a few experiences with egos that have really made me stand back and analyze the concept.  One was that of a colleague and the other my own.  During several conversations with a peer who has been struggling lately, it became apparent to me that their self-identity and self-worth is part of this struggle.  Without getting into details, the fact that his ego was causing these issues and he didn't realize it became glaringly obvious.  So obvious, I wanted to scream, "I know what the problem is!". 

Coincidentally, I found myself in although a very different situation, my self-identity was challenged and it effected me more than I would have ever imagined.  After dropping my daughter off at high school, I went to Costco to do our monthly run.  When I parked, although 15 minutes before the store opened, I noticed several people coming out with groceries. SCORE!!  They opened early, and now I do not have to wait.  As I made my way to the entrance, there was a small line of people at the front, several of them were off to the side waiting, the store greeter waved the gent in front of me to the front and let him in.  Soon she did the same to me. Odd, I thought and kinda gave my shoulders a shrug as I passed the people off to the side.  I was in the store for no more than 5 seconds when I realized why I was there.  It was seniors hour. 

(Pause for laughter)

As funny as this story is (as I am nowhere close to being a senor), to those who can relate, I was flooded with an array of thoughts, questions and feelings as I tried to process this situation.  As I shopped, I looked at the much older people around me and couldn't stop thinking about how they saw me.  Do they look at me as a peer?  I am certainly no spring chicken, but I am definitely not "old", like "senior old". I thought to myself, I can't wait until people like me, people my age, come into the store so I would feel more comfortable.  They did and I didn't.  Now all I could think of was, do they see me like I see the elderly people here? Do they look at me and think, "hmm, I wonder if he needs a hand?" or "I bet he has some stories to tell."?  Yes, I totally over thought the situation instead of enjoying the opportunity to shop with much less people in the store. 

The timing of this experience so soon after speaking with my colleague, could not have been better.  I have an ego too.  The fact that other people saw me different than I see myself challenged my self-identity.  I was not offended per se, but surprised by the slap in the face of reality and maybe to a degree some newly acquired self-awareness.

But what does this have to do with Kung Fu you ask?  That's a great question, thank you for asking.

Ego, pride, self-identity, self-awareness and humility are a yin and yang of their own.  Without balance, any of these elements unchecked, can cause problems.  Problems in your kung fu, school, work, family life and pretty much all relationships. Too much ego and pride may close you off to growth and learning, not enough may leave you with without self-confidence to go out of your comfort zone and push beyond your limits.  

Self-awareness through genuine reflection is essential in any journey towards mastery.

Mike Kohut