Humility vs Ego
I remember when I was a teenager being asked “what is humility vs ego” as a part of the theory needed to advance in rank. To be honest, I could give a definition of each but I did not understand the question.
We talk a lot about recognizing when we are acting on our ego. We all acknowledge that we all have one, and so the goal is to recognize it, to be in control of it and to not let it define our actions or thoughts.
What is the difference? Humility is honest. It allows you to see the good and bad, your strengths and weaknesses. It does not judge and it does not elicit pride or shame. It just defines what is. With that knowledge you can then redefine and change your reality as you see fit.
Ego, on the other hand, lies. Not that you yourself lie, but ego is that little flurry of thought that alters what you do and what you say in an effort to control what is instead of embrace it. It is a way to try to manage what others believe about you. Ego is dishonest, and as such it holds you prisoner inside your current situation and removes your ability to affect your reality, to change your situation, to better yourself instead of just the perception of you.
Are you trying to sell yourself instead of build yourself? Do you feel like you have something you need to prove? To convince others of? If you ask a question, does the answer generate more questions or just more comments, justifications?
To excel at anything, you need to understand what you know and what you still need to discover. You need to open your heart to the idea that you have more to learn. And be excited about it, not ashamed of it. Seek out those that can help you, open yourself to their knowledge and experience. Do not be frustrated that you have holes in your abilities or understanding. Seek to fill them, not hide them.
Pursue betterment for the sake of becoming a better you. You have nothing to prove, only something to gain. Accept yourself as you are, all of what you are. There is nothing wrong with you. Choose to create change in yourself and your situation. Or not. Just don’t spend your time and energy on creating an image that is false. The energy needed to maintain it is so much more than the energy needed to elicit honest progress.
How to Write a Blog- Part IV
Let’s review.
The four reasons for not blogging are-
I don’t know what to write about/I have nothing to write about.
Absolutely nothing happened, I did nothing, there’s just nothing to write about.
I’m too busy.
I have nothing positive to write about.
Number four is broken down into two justifications;
a) Liken this to “once, long ago, I wrote a blog and I felt like I got in trouble for being honest. Now I shy away from writing anything”. This was the focus of Part III.
And now, the second justification;
b) There are some big emotions going on (a lot or a little, big is big), lots of negativity, and I’m not ready to “get over it”. Therefore, I can’t write in a constructive way.
That’s totally okay. We’ve all been there. You’re in the sulking stage, which I personally believe is a legitimate place to be, we all have to pass through it when something goes awry. But, we cannot stay there. To stay in this stage is only damaging to ourselves and detrimental to our overall goals. And I don’t care what goal you want to insert here, owning doggies or achieving mastery in Kung Fu. To stay in this stage is detrimental to us.
The solution is the same as Part III.
This place provides us the best reason to write a blog. It allows us to voice our emotions, tell our side, and then work through it all to a place where we can benefit from the experience. How, you might say. Well, let me tell you a story.
Last year, actually the past three years, have been exceptionally difficult for me. Lots of personal problems, the death of four family pets, an autism diagnosis, the diagnosis and ultimate death of my loving mother, the diagnosis and ultimate death of my father, planning funerals, selling off the farm, and to top it all off, estrangement from my brother.
Sounds like fun, doesn’t it?
Oh, add in taking over a school from someone who is so far above my level that it didn’t seem crazy, it seemed ludicrous. Yeah, add that expectation in there.
Anyways how, pray tell, do you “benefit” from all of that? I’ll focus on the ongoing estrangement between my brother and I. The only surviving member of my original nuclear family. Specifically after my mother told me to never let anything get between us, as she lie on her deathbed.
Well, it’s not good that we’re not talking. No positive spin there. Except, I learned what I am capable of, the empathy I am capable of, the weight I can carry without crumbling and what I will and will not tolerate in my life. (Side note, I never thought I was particularly empathetic. At least, I lack the ability to outwardly show it in a meaningful manner.)
All of which led me to believe in myself. And look, SRKF is still alive, a year later, in my care. I don’t think I could have I would have thought I was capable of it. And granted, it’s been rough. There are potholes the size of Denmark that have developed under my nose. But, I can proudly say that the school survives. I survived, I thrived, and I learned.
You can learn from anything, if you allow yourself to.
I have not “gotten over it”, hence the ongoing distance between my brother and myself. But, although I do not see the light at the end of the tunnel, I have confidence enough in myself to recognize that it will be there, when I choose to make it so. I recognize the immense stress he was/is under, and although I will not tolerate some things, I do have empathy for him.
There you go. I just wrote a blog, even in the sulky, everything is wrong and nothing is good stage. Added to that, I used my negative space in a positive manner, in hopes of providing some motivation and clarity to those of you who find yourself stuck.
So, to address the name of this series, the question everyone has in their mind; How do you write a blog?
Just do it.
How to Write a Blog- Part III
Welcome back. Let’s get into it.
Next reason- I’m too busy. If this is your reason, I will refer you to these fine resources;
https://vimeo.com/1026981384/3fe78813a3
https://www.silentriverkungfu.ca/i-ho-chuan-news/2024/11/19/honesty-and-time
https://www.silentriverkungfu.ca/i-ho-chuan-news/2024/11/19/time
Last, and this is “the big one”- I have nothing positive to write about. Again, there are two reasons for this one.
Liken this to “once, long ago, I wrote a blog and I felt like I got in trouble for being honest. Now I shy away from writing anything”. Okay, this one is tricky. Well, tricky if you’re not keeping things in perspective.
No one gets to live a life with only positivity. We all have bad days. Sometimes a bad week. Heck, bad years! But again, we have the ability to manipulate our surroundings. Does that mean we can control the people around us? No. But we control ourselves, our own thoughts and actions. If we don’t know how, we have the ability to learn.
When it comes to blogging about something negative, you need to take a step back and look at the bigger picture. We react strongly when emotions are involved. We are opinionated. But, if someone did us wrong, or made us mad, or unjustly stole our last piece of pie, remind yourself that we ALL think that we are the one who is in the right. Including the person who wronged you!
How does this help? Well, think about why the other person felt the way they felt, did what they did. Say you write a blog. In it you vent about something. Okay, fair. We all need to do that. But what did you do about it? If all you did was vent off steam, identify what is wrong and unjust in the world, did you really do right by yourself? Or did you stop too short and left yourself in a state of aggravation, frustration and general unpleasantness that will slowly eat at you, alter how you think, feel, act?
If you never took it past this place, then yes, we would have reached out to you and told you that you needed to rethink what you had written.
Get it out. Identify the negatives, but then do something positive with it. My pie is gone. Woe is me. Now I’m hungry. Wait, I have half a dozen apples wilting on my counter. I’ll make me another pie! And in doing so, I’ll feel better about not wasting those apples! AND become a better baker! Learn how to make my own crust! Share my pie, bring happiness to the world! Oh oh, maybe I could share it with the fella who stole it in the first place, alleviate his/her hunger, make them go oh, I stole his pie, and now he’s sharing this one? Wow, is that my heart growing three sizes? Did this make ME want to do something kind for someone else?
Don’t stop at the problem. Continue through to a solution. Make sure that every cloud has a silver lining, even when you have to create it yourself. Your perception can shift, which can change your whole outlook. When your outlook is positive, you tend to notice the positivity that surrounds you. What’s more, you tend to create the positivity around you.
If you stop, only venting, offering no solution, giving yourself nothing to move forward with, then heck yes, we’ll call you out on it. Because we want you to thrive, not wilt. We’ll protect you as much as we can.
How to Write a Blog- Part II
Now, I want to narrow it down to the specific reasons people don’t want to write a blog. There are four, split between two of these articles.
First- I don’t know what to write about/I have nothing to write about. These are grouped together because they are indicating the same things. There are only two reasons that this may be the case.
You are not actively/mindfully/honestly reviewing your past week.
Things happened to you. Many things happen to or around us that we just don’t take notice of. Many things that could have an effect on our daily living are left on the floor where they landed after bouncing off our faces. This is normal. But normal doesn’t mean we have to accept it. We’re a cool, albeit funny looking, creature called a human, and the cool thing about that is that we have the capability to affect our surroundings. But, we have to practice our skills just like any other critter. Even more so; our big brains give us the ability to create cool gadgets but we need to learn how to walk first. That is okay. We get the itch to get that toy on that shelf and start pushing ourselves to stand and walk over there. We suck at first. That’s also okay, we also have a thing called a booty that protects us. Anyways, we keep trying and we get better until one day we can run like Usain.
Blogging is the same. Being mindful is the same. It needs to start with a desire, a plan of action, then consistency and then, boom. We got skills baby!
If you don’t see Sifu Brinker slapping his hands together and hearing his voice “take consistent action” then we’ll have to revisit this one.
2. Absolutely nothing happened, you did nothing, there’s just nothing to write about.
Did you live? Then you must have done something, or something must have happened to you. What you are likely saying here is that you did not train, did not think about your training, and did not engage or were not receptive in your classes. Beyond that, you did do something. It is impossible to do nothing. Nothing means you have ceased to exist. When you say you have nothing to write about you’re saying you don’t want to confront what you did or didn’t do for the past week. It was boring. Or not related to your training. Maybe you slept on the couch, or sat in front of your computer gaming. That means you did something, and you likely don’t want to admit to the team what it was. Do you know what the best remedy for this is? Admit it to the team! Take a step towards doing something else, and talking about what is going on is a great step.
Hello, my name is Khona and I spent the past week mindlessly staring at the TV. I know that isn’t a great way to spend my time. I have things I would love to do/have, but no ambition to do anything about it. I feel stuck, like my body is heavy and my mind heavier and so instead of tackling the things that are weighing on me I tend to zone out and stare at a screen watching The Next Generation for eight hours.
Interesting how I can relate watching reruns to my path to mastery. You do see the connection, correct? No matter what you did or didn’t do, you are on a path. And paths go in more than one direction.
So to fix this article, let’s revisit number 2.
Absolutely nothing happened, you did nothing, there’s just nothing to write about.
That’s better.
Next reason- I just forget. Remember when I mentioned our cool ability to create gadgets? One of those things is called an alarm. Most of us have them on our cool smart phones. Also known as reminders. Problem solved.
Honesty and Time
This is not a new concept. We live in a culture who does not seem to value time. But in fact, it feels more like a system where our time is assigned a value based on what we are filling it with.
Herein lies the problem. We all are guilty of using the excuse that we do not have the time. I don’t have the time to finish the blanket I started to crochet three years ago, and so it sits incomplete, waiting for the day that I “find the time”.
Interesting thought, isn’t it? That time is something that I may just happen across? Find, like a lost sock under the bed?
I have less time now than I have ever had in my life. Not because I’m busy, have more chores or more responsibilities, but simply because one day I will die and every day that I live I am closer to my death.
That is the only point at which I will not have the time.
But until then, I do have the time for anything I wish. I have the time to travel Europe. I have the time to finish my blanket or read a book or pet the cat. I have time to spend with my family, type this article to you, or put my body to use practicing the skills I want to master in my Kung Fu.
I have the time for anything, I just have to decide what I will do.
Of course, I will have to decide what I want to do right now, since right now is all I have to work with. If I’m too busy with the dishes or gaming or mending fences or running a business… that’s not too busy, that is what I have decided to fill my time with. And yes, I DECIDED. It was a decision that was made. A choice.
You may say I HAVE to do these things. But in reality, how many times have you thought, I’ll do the dishes tomorrow? Well, that was a choice as well.
Of course, we need to make choices that will support our goals in life. If I always decide to not do the dishes then my house will become a mess, my family will suffer from the clutter, fruit flies will become our constant companion.
But it is still a choice, healthy or otherwise.
And I do not want an unclean home.
That’s what it comes down to. What do you want?
Because that is what drives our decisions when it comes to how we spend our time. I do not want to do the dishes, but I want a clean home. So I do the dishes. Or rather, I must decide to do the dishes to support what I claim I want.
What do you want?
If you want mastery in your life, then you must make decisions that will support mastery in your life. If you want to earn your black belt then you must make decision that will help you earn your black belt.
If you decide to spend your time in front of a gaming console or in a night club, then you are choosing to stall your progress on what you claim you want.
If you want to play video games, then play video games. But be honest, you are choosing to use the time you have playing video games.
If you want horses, have horses. But be honest, your decisions on how to spend your time will revolve around your horses.
Which is fine. That is your choice.
BUT, understand that just because you want something doesn’t mean that speaking the words “this is something I want, this is important to me” will get you any closer to it.
You may want it, but if you are not putting the time into acquiring it then you simply don’t want it as much as something else, whatever is filling your time.
I want to go to Europe. But I want to be with my family and build my life here more. And so here, with my family, is where my time is spent.
Saying I want to go to Europe and then wondering why I’m not in Europe is foolish.
Saying I want Kung Fu in my life but not taking the time to have Kung Fu in my life and then wondering why isn’t Kung Fu in my life is foolish.
Or worse, resenting that I don’t have Kung Fu in my life, and resenting those who do. Those who spent the time to acquire it.
It is that simple.
Be honest about what you want, and about what you want more. Spend your time as you see fit, but do not say “I don’t have the time”.