Character Development in the Martial Arts

Kung Fu is about more than kicking or punching. Teaching empathy, respect and self discipline is key when it comes helping students develop into well rounded martial artists. These are the lessons that we strive to instil into all aspects of their lives, developing their character and ability to achieve their goals.

I would like to share an excerpt (with permission from his mom) from an email from a teacher of a Young Dragon. Joel has received a chih star on behalf of his teacher, his mother and his instructors, all of whom are proud of the kid he’s developing into.

“Joel is a crucial part to our classroom community. He is always willing to help in the classroom, especially with cleaning up and stacking chairs. His eagerness to assist his peers and his attention to keeping our classroom tidy is greatly appreciated.”

His mother let us know that Joel is the only child that stays at the school’s afterschool care program, and once the other kids leave for the day, he stays and helps his teacher cleanup.

It is not about the tasks a child completes, but about the spirit in which a child engages.

Information on our Chih Star program can be found here- https://www.silentriverkungfu.ca/childrens-badge-award-system

Consistency and Engagement = Confidence

As instructors, we know that by practicing Kung Fu, our students will build confidence as they see that they are improving.  And as instructors, we have a front row seat to these results.  It’s inspiring to watch our students grow and become more confident in themselves, as they develop that “can do” attitude.

I have been having one on ones with both a student and their parent weekly for the past several months and the feedback I am getting is invaluable. I have watched this student in class become more confident in their abilities.  They have gone from being quiet, shy and reserved and not really talking to me, to a student who went up in front of a crowd of parents and peers at our banquet to perform and accept an award with confidence.

This student, in the past 6 months, has grown exponentially. Their parents have seen this improvement and comment about it all of the time.

However, a big part of this equation is the fact that this student attends every class.  Their parents see the benefits, and it’s only through their consistency in bringing their child to class and their engagement in their child’s training, that this confidence has been growing.  And as long as they continue to stay consistent with bringing their child to every class, this student will see improvement in every aspect of their life.

Tania Brinker

Respect

Kung Fu transforms lives. A student can expect to achieve a full grade point improvement in their grades at school within a year of starting kung fu.  Everyone training with us  experiences an improvement in their ability to manage stress and conflict. These benefits are both byproducts of discipline and respect — the two main things we teach at Silent River Kung Fu.

From the first moment a student walks through our doors, their lessons on respect begin. We  create a level playing field by dressing uniformly and addressing every student by their last name. The students’ instructors do not demand the students’ respect, they work hard to earn it.  The power of example is the most powerful teaching tool available.

Parents, your positive engagement is a crucial component of your children’s education.  As parents, our influence through the example we set can help reinforce the lessons our children are learning or at their worst, they can undermine them. We must remain mindful that our actions influence our children.

Getting your children to class on time is an absolute necessity if you want to set a positive example. Respecting the value of other people’s time is one of the most important lessons a person learns in their lifetime. Your children rely upon you to get them to their classes and therefore they rely upon you to get them there on time. Late arrivals disrupt the entire class and publicly affect everyone by undermining a keystone value of Kung fu.

Something that has been happening outside of our school but within sight of all our students, is how our students’ parents and family are treating our planters in front of the school window. Sitting on the planters and/or placing your toddlers on them, trampling the plants, is damaging a project that our students built and managed themselves and which they have been trying to nurture. Ironically while we are busy on the mats teaching our students about discipline and respect, our lessons are being undermined in real time by the public disrespect being shown to the project so many of them worked so hard on over the summer.

Parents, please recognize the important role you play in helping us foster a positive and productive learning environment for your children. It does take a village to raise a child.

Discipline and Respect

No matter our reasons for beginning kung fu, the art can only guarantee two things: discipline and respect. When you think about it you will come to realize that with those two things anything and everything is possible. 

There are always provisos that come with guarantees. Logically we all understand that a guarantee is only as good as our common sense and our engagement. Your car’s warranty is void if you drive the car off a cliff. Likewise the guarantee of discipline and respect is void if you are not putting in true, consistent effort. You do not benefit from lessons unless you are present for those lessons. Nor do you benefit from lessons if you are not actively applying them.

Our uniform, like most things in kung fu, serves a purpose. Our uniform helps ground us by being a constant reminder of what we are a part of. It clarifies our perspective and reinforces our commitment while reminding us that no matter our background, we are all equal in the kwoon with the same goals of improvement. 

If the uniform is to be a useful tool to help us develop discipline and respect, we must keep our uniform clean and well-maintained. You can’t expect a saw to do its job if you do not keep it sharp and clean. Your uniform should be treated the same.

Students who continually show up to class with dirty or torn uniforms, are not progressing as quickly as students who respect their uniform. They are not progressing to their full potential not because their uniform is dirty but because they are not applying discipline and respect to their training and their lives. 

The biggest statement a student can make about discipline and respect is how and when they arrive at class. Clearly you are not applying those concepts if you are constantly arriving late for your classes. Consistent tardiness is one of the most disrespectful actions toward your fellow students and your instructors. The second biggest statement a student can make about discipline and respect is the condition of the uniform they are wearing to class. 

The bottom line:

If you want to learn kung fu, you must be taking your training outside the kwoon and into the world by consistently applying the concepts of kung fu in all aspects of your life. That starts by taking care of when you arrive at class and taking care of your uniform.

The Value of 1 On 1's

Whether you are a parent, a student or an instructor, the 1-on-1 resource is probably the single most valuable tool at our disposal.

As a parent, we want our children to develop essential skills that will aid them to succeed in whatever they decide to pursue.  The majority of kids, at a young age, are not self motivators.  They cannot yet understand the value of hard work…the value of putting in effort today for a goal they won’t reach until tomorrow…or next week…or next year.  By utilizing the 1-on-1's, you can help your child reach their goals, thereby showing them that with a little bit of effort on a consistent basis, anything is possible.  I can guarantee you that once they recognize their hard work breeds results, they will start to take these steps towards success on their own because you have shown them how.

As a student, the 1-on-1's provide a platform to ask questions or cover topics specific to the individual.  Whether it be to improve a skill, or to get ideas of what to focus on, the opportunity for 1-on-1 instruction is incredibly beneficial.  Many students have utilized the 1-on-1's to obtain knowledge above and beyond their current class level.  Some learning entire forms exclusively through 1-on-1's and propelling their personal progress to incredible heights.  Having said that, the need to have a topic or question in mind is not a prerequisite for the 1-on-1 to be successful.  Oftentimes, the meetings that begin without a specific plan end up being the most fun and engaging.  If the student and instructor can connect in a more personal way, the time has been well spent. 

As an instructor, making those connections is the main objective for the 1-on-1's.  If Kung Fu enters the equation, that is simply a bonus.   Everyone learns differently.  Everyone thinks a bit differently.  Everyone has different skills and capabilities.  This type of interaction creates an opportunity to connect with our students on a personal level that is not always possible in a classroom setting.  Once that relationship is established, both teaching and learning become effortless.

Whether you are a parent, or a student, I encourage you to take advantage of this amazing tool.  And I am confident that with regular use, you will see the tremendous value.

Who can utilize the 1-on-1s?

Any student or parent/guardian can utilize the 1-on-1's.

How do I book?

On the main home page of KwoonTalk, you will find a link along the left called “One on One Appointments”.  Simply click on that and follow the instructions to choose and book an appointment.  Should you have any issues with booking, please reach out.

Who should I book with?

Although any of the instructors will be able to answer most questions, you’ll likely want to book with an instructor that you, or your child would be the most familiar with.  If you are unsure, the following indicates which instructors are involved with the various classes.

Lil’ Leopards/Tiny Tigers

• Sifu Brinker

• Sifu Rybak

• Sihing Vantuil

• Sidai Bjorkquist

• Todai Ferris

 Young Dragons 1/2

• Sifu Brinker

• Sifu Rybak

• Sihing Vantuil

• Sihing Ward

• Sidai Bjorkquist

• Todai Ferris

 Teen/Adults

• Sifu Brinker

• Sifu Rybak

• Sihing Vantuil

• Sihing Csillag

• Sihing Lindstrom

• Sihing Ward

• Sidai Bjorkquist
  
  
  

How often should I book?

As a parent with questions regarding the program or your child's progress, feel free to book as needed. For students, we have seen the most success with those that book regular weekly or bi-weekly appointments.  All students are eligible for a 1-on-1 every week as part of their tuition.

What if my child has nothing to ask or talk about?

A predetermined topic is not necessary to book a 1-on-1.  The instructor’s main objective with the 1-on-1's is to make connections with the students, not necessarily to practice Kung Fu.  If talking about Minecraft or having a game of virtual hide-n-seek is how the child wants to connect during this time, the 1-on-1 has been a success.  And although the topics of conversation may differ, this applies to our teen/adult students as well.  The better we know our students, the easier it is to teach them.  Do not let the lack of a question or topic hold you back.

What if I can’t find a day/time that works?

In the event none of the posted days and times work for your schedule, please don’t hesitate to reach out.  Instructors have posted the days and times that are most convenient for them, but that does not mean other arrangements can’t be made. 

If it’s been a while since your last 1-on-1, or if you’ve never had one before, I encourage you to book one today.  I promise it will be one of the most beneficial additions you can make to your (or your child’s) Kung Fu.

Malinda Ferris

How To Tie Your Belt

A Message To Parents

The biggest challenge us instructors face in the current COVID-19 world is figuring how to convey the benefits of our classes to the parents of our students. With the parents unable to witness our classes first-hand, this becomes a big challenge.

Children begin kung fu because of themselves and they quit or don't quit because of their parents.

If you guys see value, you are less likely to give control of that important decision to your child. 

We do our best to give you the support and the tools to help you keep your children engaged and happy in kung fu. There are always going to be challenges but I guarantee those challenges will be easier navigated if you use those tools:

• One on One Lessons

• Livestream Live Lessons

• Livestream Recorded Lessons

• Kwoon Talk Articles

• Instructor and Student Blogs

• Extra-Curricular Events and Activities

• Zoom Meetings

Please watch the accompanying video and comment on this article so that we know you have seen it. If we're to help your child, it is important that we know which tools you are using and which you are not. 

Jeff Brinker

How to Keep Your Children Engaged - Part 3

Part III- What To Do When They Don‘t Want To

It’s Inevitable

At some point your child will lose interest. New sports or clubs will catch their eye and Kung Fu will lose its shine. I myself went through hockey, jazz, softball, swimming, guitar, singing and soccer before Kung Fu came along. And I can guarantee you that Kung Fu would have joined the list of rejected activities had the decision been mine to make.

I was lucky that my parents recognized the impact Kung Fu was having on my life before I hit the “I want to quit” stage. I wasn’t old enough to weigh the pros and cons, I just know that I wanted to do what all my friends were doing instead- volleyball. I had every reason laid out for my argument; it was too late in the evening, I wasn’t having fun, I wasn’t progressing, I was missing out on time with my friends. It didn’t work. My mom didn’t even entertain the idea, just told me that quitting wasn’t an option. After much whining, bellyaching and arguing, I resigned myself to the idea that I wasn’t quitting. I made it difficult on her, dragged when it was time to leave, grumbled on the way there. And my poor parents had two of us to deal with at this time.

Keep Your Power

This is the most important part of the puzzle. You are the parent. Your job is to prepare your child for adulthood to the best of your ability. Children do not yet have the capacity to gauge the impact of the decisions they make. Do not give your child the power to make this decision.It may be that the best decision for your child is to walk away, but that is your decision to make. 

The moment that you tell your child “when X occurs then you can quit” or “lets finish this month and see how you feel then”, it’s written in stone, they will quit. 

We have never seen a child continue past this point when given control of the decision. No matter how much they enjoy their class or how much benefit they are receiving, there is only one thing on their mind. The day they can quit. At this point, it’s over. 

Keep your power. It is your decision.

Look For A Way

Of course, this does not mean your child does not get a voice. If your child is feeling frustrated or anxious, this needs to be discussed and a solution needs to be found. Talk to your child, let them voice their opinions and their feelings. Make sure they feel heard and understood. Find a way to work through these issues and make things right again. Make a plan together. Talk to your instructors; let us know what we can do and how we can help. Get us involved early, we’re not unfamiliar with these situations. We can take action and may have some insights we can share with you. We’re not here to shut them down. We’re here to build them up.

Set Them Up For Success

We all change. I was a timid, shy girl who would rather not be seen than be seen as weak or uncool. I conformed instead of reformed. I made poor choices because I was scared to say anything. I was an easy target.

Then I began to find my confidence and recognized when I had a choice to make. I grew the strength to choose differently. I began to recognize my impact on others.

I began to form values and opinions. I began to care less about popularity and more about being who I could be and who I wanted to be.

I now value quality over quantity, happiness over bottom lines, life over convenience. I care about what impact I make on others and the world around me. I make the hard choices and do my best to leave this world better than I found it. 

I am strong enough to voice my opinions. I am confident enough to admit my mistakes. 

It was not an easy road. I fought it, I rebelled, I made bad decisions. I still stumble. But I am happy with who I see in the mirror.

Khona Rybak

How to Keep Your Children Engaged - Part 2

Part II- Engage Everyone

Be Involved

As with anything, you won’t see or reap any benefits unless you’re involved. And I don’t mean just your children, you the parent too. Children with parents who are actively involved, who watch classes, encourage their kids and ask questions, those are the students who thrive and who have the ability to work through the hard times. Why? Because they are not alone, they have parents who work equally as hard with and for them because they too see and reap the benefits. 

What Can You Do For Your Child?

Be interested. Children need encouragement and acceptance. If mom or dad seem indifferent to their activities or accomplishments then they learn that there is no value to what they are doing or achieving. This will only decrease their confidence in themselves, not build it up.

Approach their classes with a positive attitude. If classes become a chore or a job then the fun is gone and the resistance will start. Your children need to recognize that Kung Fu is important, but they need to be able to enjoy it.

Set them up for success. Get them to class on time. Help them be responsible for their uniform and gear.  Make sure their environment is congruent to their goals; focus is a key to Kung Fu and to life. Noise and distractions will not allow them to get everything they can out of a given lesson.

Join in! Our kids mimic and learn from us. If they see us having fun they’ll be more inclined to enjoy themselves. A family activity will outlast an individual activity because everyone has a part to play and understands the value. The time spent will be time invested. And you yourself will develop understanding and skills, giving you the ability to help your child and maybe picking up a thing or two to benefit yourself. 

A Little Goes A Long Way

Any student at Silent River Kung Fu has heard the term incremental progression. Tiny steps, with time, create great change. What you do with your children, no matter how insignificant it seems at the time, has the potential of creating life changing ripples, influencing their perspectives, values and choices. Be sure to create habits and routines with your child that supports your ultimate goal; raising a happy, healthy, self sufficient and confident individual.

So get involved. If you do, you will see and understand the value. If you understand the value, it’s easy to be committed and this will filter down to your child. In other words, half the work is done. 

Khona Rybak

How to Keep Your Children Engaged - Part 1

Part I- It’s In Your Perspective

Balance

The fluttering interests of children are a natural part of their curiosity. Children are interested in anything and everything new, exploring their world and gaining experiences that will help them grow into happy, healthy young adults. 

I encourage the curious nature in my own children. I hope they see wonder in everything they come across and don‘t lose that spark which could ignite a lifelong passion. However, I also have to recognize that my children will not have the ability to extrapolate and foresee the effects of their decisions, for good or bad. Kids truly live in the moment. We adults need to find the balance between letting them and looking out for their futures. 

Keep Your Perspective

Your children will undoubtedly lose interest in their Kung Fu for periods of time. It’ll lose its shine, it’ll become mundane. At this time we will be tempted to let them quit to try a new sport or new activity, hoping to find one that they will want to endure with.

This is when we need to keep our perspectives absolutely clear and in front of ourselves. We need to identify, acknowledge and weigh the benefits your child has experienced because of their Kung Fu. We need to have the ability to foresee the benefits they have yet to gain. And we have to act upon their best interests. 

What Can Kung Fu Do for Your Child?

For me, this is an easy answer because I’ve experienced it first hand. My number one answer is confidence. They will gain confidence in themselves as a byproduct of developing a healthy self image and self esteem. 

They will learn that they can accomplish their goals, but also that nothing comes for free. The value of their accomplishments will increase because they will know they earned it. 

They will develop a drive to continue to accomplish and to push themselves beyond any limits they may come across. They will reject the idea of “I can’t”. They will reject mediocrity. They will plan and work towards their future.

They will learn discipline. This will help them stay motivated when things get tough. This will help them through high school and into university. This will help them get the job, excel in their field and build a life they can be proud of. 

The will be healthier. Physically, emotionally and mentally. They will become aware of their choices and consciously develop better habits.

They will have enough respect for themselves to say no. It could be their best friend or a romantic interest. When the time comes, they will have the confidence to say no when pushed towards something they are uncomfortable with or know to be wrong.

The will have respect for other people and the world around them. They will understand that their decisions affect more than just themselves. They can be the change they want to see in the world.

The Long Term

Of course, these changes occur over time. Many of our lessons are planted as seeds. Seeds take time and nurturance to grow, so not all benefits will be apparent at the beginning. It takes time to develop self respect and self discipline, to change or create habits. And like any practice, you only get to keep the benefits as long as you continue to train and apply yourself.

Khona Rybak