I was thinking a little bit about what I talked about in the meeting. Making commitments to people so that I stay engaged with my kung fu. Whether or not they are acknowledged, they are things that matter to me. I feel like I'm an integral part of something, and that drives me to be there as much as possible. Whether or not it's reality, it helps drive me to improve and keep moving forward.
I hope someday I can make a commitment just to myself. Making myself accountable to me. The only one I let down is me, but that's something huge. I feel the importance of this already. Being honest with myself is the first step. I won't be accountable to myself, if I don't acknowledge where I'm truly at. Did I do my pushups today? No. Why? Because I chose not to. I have to be willing to have these conversations with myself.
At the same time, there's always this thought in my mind. Would I be able to stop doing kung fu? I'm pretty sure the answer is no. Even if I became mediocre for a while, there's something inside of me that feels like kung fu gives my life purpose. And not because my occupation is not valuable, or because I don't play a very active role in my family. But kung fu makes me recognize the quality of everything I'm doing in my life and question whether or not I could be doing it better. It makes me practice my compassion and empathy, because I can always be growing as a person, and even those skills take practice.
So I hope one day I will be accountable to me. And I know that the path I'm on, the path that kung fu has shown me but that I have chose to walk down, is the best way for me to get there.
Melanie Beckett